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Values in a relationship

We often hear that values are the cement, or at least the central pillar, of a couple.

But really, what are values ? And is it absolutely necessary to have the same values as a couple to be happy ? Unio gives you some answers.

💡 In fact, values,education and the way they are passed on are all topics covered in our article on
the keys to a successful life together
. You’ll find plenty of easy-to-implement tips for your everyday life.

What are values ?

What does it mean ?

According to the Larousse dictionary, a value is » what is considered true, beautiful, good, from a personal point of view or according to the criteria of a society, and which is given as an ideal to attain, as something to defend «.

To put it simply, values are the filter through which we conduct our lives : they’re the basis on which we judge what’s right or wrong, what we feel like doing, how comfortable or uncomfortable we feel in a situation…

These are our fundamental principles, our deepest beliefs…

Where do they come from ?

There are two types of values : inherited values and chosen values.

Inherited values are those that come from our environment : family values, of course, but more broadly from the society in which we grow up.
For example : in terms of family heritage, someone who grew up in a family where academic success was very important will probably inherit the value of hard work and effort… On a societal scale, a person born in 1960 in the USSR and a person born the same year in the USA will not have received the same message, and this will be reflected in their values.
In Unio session 1, » Building on our stories «, we invite you to take stock of this heritage : which of your inherited values would you like to put aside ? But which ones do you want to keep and bring into your relationship ?
Chosen values, on the other hand, are those we consciously choose, sometimes in opposition to those we have received. A person who grew up in a broken home may choose to center his or her adult life around strong family values.

The values we choose are the ingredients of the person we want to be.

How do they express themselves ?

Our values are the driving force behind our actions : they are expressed not only in what we do, but also in the way we express ourselves and choose the people around us. At Unio, we are convinced that the key to happiness lies in alignment : acting exactly according to the values we hold.

And, of course, they’re not judgmental : they evolve as our experiences and encounters change…

Individual values

List of main values

To help you, here’s a list of the top 50 values. It’s not exhaustive, of course, but you can already see which ones speak to you the most.

Friendship	Celebrity	Determination	Influence	Respect
Love	Citizenship	Availability	Innovation	Self-respect
Fun	Community	Listen	Jutice	Liability
Learning	Compassion	Balance	Optimism	Success
Silver	Competence	Reliability	Opening	Wealth
Audacity	Knowledge	Loyalty	Peace	Wisdom
Authenticity	Contribution	Faith	Pleasure	Security
Autonomy	Creativity	Kindness	Popularity	Spirituality
Authority	Growth	Harmonie	Recognition	Stability
Adventure	Curiosity	Honesty	Religion	Status
Happiness	Challenge	Humor	Reputation	Work

How to define them

We suggest you take the time to choose the five values that speak most to you from the list above. Once they’re listed, the hard part is to prioritize them. It can take a long time, but it’s a very rewarding exercise, which allows you to set a course for your life.

On this subject, we recommend Chloé Bloom’s episode :
Values : « getting to know yourself better ».

Bringing them to life

Values on paper are a first step. But what next ?

List the actions in your current life that reflect these values
List the very concrete things you could do to align yourself even more closely with these values

At Unio, we are interested in hearing your ideas in comments 😉

The couple’s values

What about the couple ?

general values that will shape your life
values that are specific to the functioning of the couple itself.

Shared values

The values of living together are those that will guide your projects, your joint organization… For example, if your main shared value is hedonism, you’ll organize your life to make time for leisure.

How do you define them ? Talk, always talk. Go back to your individual values defined in the previous step, and see which ones you have in common, and which ones are distinct.

Chances are, many of them are common : we tend to go for people who share our values. On the other hand, it is possible to have different, even contradictory, values. It’s not a big deal, but you have to be aware of it and find a way to make it work together. For example, if Marc is driven by the value of independence and Theo by fusion in the couple, we need to think about a balance that suits both.

Torque values

We’re talking here about values specific to the couple, which in a way enable you to define your « couple pact ».

Among the most classic are : fidelity (to be clearly defined), shared interests, tenderness…

Safety
Confidence
The complicity

Implications

These shared values have an immediate impact on the couple’s functioning, their communication… But that’s not all !

Life projects : going on a round-the-world trip doesn’t reflect the same values as buying a house together.
Raising and passing on your children : if you’re not aligned with your values, it can get complicated.

Bonus !
We offer you the podcast of Clotilde Dusoulier, who in her vacation notebooks suggests a fun little exercise to highlight our values. That’s all we have to say…
Cahier de vacances nº16, by Clotilde Dusoulier .

See you soon !