{"id":288832,"date":"2023-05-13T09:59:07","date_gmt":"2023-05-13T08:59:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.unio-preparation.com\/blog\/lovers-and-parents-mission-impossible\/"},"modified":"2024-08-26T16:39:23","modified_gmt":"2024-08-26T15:39:23","slug":"lovers-and-parents-mission-impossible","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.unio-preparation.com\/en\/blog\/lovers-and-parents-mission-impossible\/","title":{"rendered":"Lovers AND parents : mission impossible ?"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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\ud83c\udfe1 Accueil<\/a><\/span><\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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Lovers AND parents :
mission impossible ?<\/h1>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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with Mar\u00adgel\u00adli\u00adna Kerjoant<\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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We\u2019re hea\u00adring more and more about the\u00abbaby clash<\/strong> \u00bb : the cri\u00adsis in a cou\u00adple\u2019s rela\u00adtion\u00adship that goes hand in hand with the arri\u00adval of a child.<\/div>\n
But if the expres\u00adsion is used all the time, what rea\u00adli\u00adty does it real\u00adly cover ? What are the causes, and how can you make the most of your baby\u2019s arri\u00adval<\/strong> ?<\/div>\n
Mar\u00adgel\u00adli\u00adna Ker\u00adjoant, couple psy\u00adcho\u00adthe\u00adra\u00adpist for over 15 years, ans\u00adwers our questions.<\/div>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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\ud83d\udca1 While the arri\u00adval of a first child will obvious\u00adly turn your dai\u00adly life as a couple upside down, having a dis\u00adcus\u00adsion toge\u00adther befo\u00adre\u00adhand about your expec\u00adta\u00adtions will enable you to
\n be clear about the fami\u00adly you want to create together<\/a>
\n<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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The statistics on the rate of separation of couples in the year following the birth of their first child are terrifying.\nWithout going so far as to talk about separation, is baby clash a phenomenon you see a lot of in your patients ? <\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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It\u2019s a phe\u00adno\u00adme\u00adnon I\u2019ve begun to observe fair\u00adly recent\u00adly, I\u2019d say around 2020 : that\u2019s not to say that eve\u00adry\u00adthing was per\u00adfect before, but the term didn\u2019t exist, and couples consul\u00adted less for it.\nToday I receive many more.<\/p>\n\n

This evo\u00adlu\u00adtion is pro\u00adba\u00adbly due to the fact that speech is freer, but per\u00adhaps also to the fact that I believe there is increa\u00adsing pres\u00adsure to be \u00ab per\u00adfect parents<\/strong> \u00bb.\nI\u2019ll come back to this later, but I think the term itself is double-edged : it can create coun\u00adter\u00adpro\u00adduc\u00adtive anxie\u00adty in future or young parents.<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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What does this \u00ab baby clash \u00bb actually look like ? <\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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This cor\u00adres\u00adponds to a per\u00adiod when there is no lon\u00adger any qua\u00adli\u00adty of bond or dia\u00adlogue bet\u00adween parents.\nThe bond is seve\u00adred<\/strong>, repla\u00adced by blame, with\u00addra\u00adwal, resentment\u2026<\/p>\n\n

There are as many dif\u00adferent situa\u00adtions as there are couples<\/strong>The father may feel exclu\u00added from this new duo, either because the mother doesn\u2019t trust him enough to give him a role with the baby, or because he\u2019s not inves\u00adted enough, or not in the way the mother would like.<\/p> \n\n

This creates a lot of frus\u00adtra\u00adtion and disap\u00adpoint\u00adment, and if it\u2019s not expres\u00adsed in a func\u00adtio\u00adnal way, resent\u00adment builds insi\u00addious\u00adly month after month. Each one holds more and more grudges against the other, crea\u00adting a vicious circle.<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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How long does it last on average ? <\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tThe dura\u00adtion of this cri\u00adsis is total\u00adly variable, depen\u00adding on what the couple does with it.\n\nIt lasts until the couple take mat\u00adters<\/strong> into their own hands and look for a solu\u00adtion.\nIf this is not the case, this cri\u00adsis can unfor\u00adtu\u00adna\u00adte\u00adly lead to a rupture. <\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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What do you think are the main causes ?<\/h3>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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The first ques\u00adtion to ask is to take stock of the state of the rela\u00adtion\u00adship before the baby\u2019s birth : it\u2019s often the pre-exis\u00adting fra\u00adgi\u00adli\u00adties that crys\u00adtal\u00adlize with the arri\u00adval of the child.<\/p>\n\n

In any case, when a baby arrives, the duo\u2019s orga\u00adni\u00adza\u00adtion becomes obso\u00adlete, and a new one has to be recrea\u00adted<\/strong>. In rea\u00adli\u00adty, men\u00adtal work\u00adloads and tasks are not neces\u00adsa\u00adri\u00adly divi\u00added per\u00adfect\u00adly 50\/\u200b50. \nIt\u2019s OK if com\u00admu\u00adni\u00adca\u00adtion is fluid, if eve\u00adryone takes res\u00adpon\u00adsi\u00adbi\u00adli\u00adty for their needs and expresses them<\/strong>. Without real com\u00admu\u00adni\u00adca\u00adtion, on the other hand, this new orga\u00adni\u00adza\u00adtion and these new constraints can insi\u00addious\u00adly create resent\u00adment on one side or the other, or both.<\/p>\n\n

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