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All you need to know about premarital counseling course in 10 questions

[complete guidebook]

Premarital counseling program : you’ve heard about it from friends who’ve already got married, but you don’t really know what it’s all about ? You have many questions on the subject : is it compulsory ? Who is it for ? When should it be done ? Do we automatically have to take a premarriage course ? etc.

To help you make sense of it all, we’ve put together all the answers to the most common questions in the same article.

At the end of the article, we’ll give you the chance to get straight to work with a gentle exercise for your loved ones.

1 – What is premarital counseling program ?

Let’s start with a simple definition : premarital counseling program is a series of sessions, more or less guided, where couples-to-be are encouraged to reflect on and discuss all the fundamental questions surrounding married life and commitment.

➡️ Organizing the big dayYou choose your wedding venue, draw up the guest list, imagine your ceremony… This is the logistical part. In fact, we’ve put together an article on the 3 main stages of wedding planning to help you do just that.
➡️ Premarital counseling This is the perfect way to prepare your couple for the thousands of days that follow the wedding day. It’s a more psychological, relational part.

The aim ? Commit to each other by leaving no grey areas in your relationship, by getting to know each other better and by sharing a common vision of what you want to do with this commitment.

2 – Who is premarriage counseling for ?

Historically, only couples getting married religiously could benefit from premarriage preparation. This was very frustrating for all the other couples : you can indeed have strong values associated with marriage and commitment without associating a theological or spiritual dimension.

Today, thanks to the advent of secular premarriage prep, premarital counseling program is open to all future married couples, whatever their origin, religion or sexual orientation…

Willing to give real meaning to your marriage, beyond organizing a beautiful party
Want to devote quality time to your relationship
Be genuinely curious about your partner and know that there’s still a lot to discover about each other, even after years of living together.
Want to give yourself the best chance of a long-term happy marriage

3 – Why prepare for marriage ?

Because depressing divorce statistics are not inevitable : love can be learned ! Life as a couple is built up over time, of course, but like any beautiful journey, it has to be prepared for, and that requires baggage.

It can seem as if you’ve had enough of each other after x years together… Big mistake !

The time for reflection provided by premarriage courses is the best investment a couple can make, because nothing strengthens a couple more than in-depth discussion of the issues that matter.

The engagement period is the ideal time

The engagement period is the ideal time to :

✅ Take time out from the daily grind to reflect together on the deeper issues surrounding your life as a couple, and ask yourself the right questions.
✅ Tackle themes that aren’t always easy to grasp, in a calm, caring environment.
✅ Experience rich moments together, in the intense and sometimes tumultuous period of wedding preparations, to rediscover yourself and put love back at the heart of your approach.
✅ We also say things to each other that we don’t necessarily say on a daily basis… It’s time to take our heads off the handlebars !
✅ Materialize the importance of marriage and its values for everyone. Commitment in the noblest sense of the word.

Studies prove it

Premarital counseling, whether secular or religious, is already widespread in Anglo-Saxon countries, where it’s known as a « pre-marital workshop ».

👉🏼 Couples who follow a premarital course are happier in their marriage than others.
👉🏼 They are also less likely to separate or divorce.
👉🏼 Premarriage course is not therapy. But it does open up conversations that might never have taken place.
👉🏼 It enhances friendship, closeness and intimacy.
👉🏼 It creates a non-judgmental, non-threatening space where everyone feels comfortable and safe.

Source : Stanley, Scott & Amato, Paul & Johnson, Christine & Markman, Howard. (2006). Premarital education, marital quality, and marital stability : Findings from a large, random household survey. Journal of family psychology : JFP : journal of the Division of Family Psychology of the American Psychological Association (Division 43). 20. 117 – 26. 10.1037/0893 – 3200.20.1.117.

💡 We devote an entire article on why to follow a premarital counseling program here : https://www.unio-preparation.com//en/blog/why-prepare-for-marriage/.

4 – What are the different types of premarriage prep ?

two main types of premarital counseling

Religious prep, which take different forms depending on the religion. They are aimed at believing, heterosexual couples. However, they don’t only deal with religious themes : they often alternate exchanges on secular topics (communication, the languages of love… compatible with a Christian life) and moments of more theological reflection, with, for example, readings of passages from the Bible for Catholic marriage preparations and times of prayer. Specific attributes of Christian marriage, such as the indissolubility of marriage, are discussed.
Premarital courses, which take a 100% atheist approach to the themes surrounding married life. They are open to all couples, including mixed, LGBTQ+ and remarried couples. These couples may have chosen to have a religious wedding (with a religious celebration) or a civil wedding (with or without a secular ceremony).

What do these two types of preparation have in common ?

Their aim : to encourage future spouses to reflect on and discuss the major issues of married life and commitment.
The main themes : communication, starting a family…

The differences ?

The angle of attack on certain subjects : religious or secular. For example, while secular marriage preparation focuses on sexuality, Catholic preparation focuses on fertility, with all the church’s biases on the subject.
The format : we’ll come back to this in the next section, but religious preparations often offer a face-to-face format, whereas the format of secular premarital courses is generally more flexible.

5 – What does premarital counseling actually involve ?

🎓 Learning moments : on a specific subject, the organizer, therapist, creator of the course… will deliver a little topo to the future bride and groom. In a religious preparation, it will be colored by religious values, while in a secular preparation it will be the fruit of research into psychology, sexuality…
💬 Time for reflection and discussion in pairs : after this initial learning phase, couples will be led in one way or another (via quizzes, exercises, guided discussions) to discuss the subject in question in pairs.

6 – What is the format of a premarriage course ?

There are a number of different premarriage preps formats to suit the different needs and lifestyles of future bridal couples.

Here are three main ones :

The face-to-face format

This is the format often favored by religious preparations : usually several sessions (between 5 and 7 evenings or weekend days) spread over several months. They often bring together several couples at the same time, and are led by a priest or older couples from the parish. This can sometimes also take the form of weekend retreats.

👉🏼 What are the advantages of this format ? The chance to meet other couples + the obligation to stick to it, as appointments are made.

👉🏼 The drawbacks ? The lack of flexibility (you’re expected at such and such a date and time and that’s it 😉 ) and the lack of privacy to have some deep discussions together.

Remote format with visios

Some therapists offer long-distance sessions to help couples discuss the main themes of premarital courses.

The 100% autonomous online distance format

Some premarital counseling programs, such as Unio Preparationhave opted for a flexible 100% online format, to be completed in the privacy of the couple.

👉🏼 The concept : each member of the couple has access to an online space with, for each major theme/session, a guide to read or listen to, a guided discussion for two and additional resources (podcasts, books…).

In this way, the couple find themselves in their own little cocoon, and are much more at ease to talk about intimate subjects : no third parties, limited discussion time… And they can carry out their preparation sessions whenever and wherever they like.
We tell you all about all the benefits of online premarital counseling programs in our dedicated article.

7 – What topics are covered during premarital counseling ?

The themes covered during your preparation may vary from one course to another, but what they have in common is that they cover a wide range of subjects that are essential for defining a shared life project before marriage.

At Unio Preparation, after synthesizing hundreds of resources on the couple and exchanging with professionals in the couple relationship, we decided to deal with seven :

Your individual and shared journey :

The ideal opportunity to understand your profile as an individual and your profile as a couple. This theme covers your personality, values, expectations, family and emotional background.

Commitment :

Getting married is one of the most important commitments we make in our adult lives. This theme is an opportunity to take stock of who you are as a couple, what defines you and what your values are, and to find your individual and shared answer to « why get married ».

Communication :

Active listening, expressing feelings, non-violent communication : this theme gives you the keys to calm, open communication with your partner.

Challenges :

Conflict resolution, financial problems, getting along with in-laws, unemployment : all couples encounter difficulties at one time or another. This theme will help you think about how to tackle and overcome these concerns. He also discusses the natural evolution of love.

Sexuality :

Without taboos or judgments, this theme addresses your longing and desire, to help you keep the flame and passion that drive you alive. It also addresses the obstacles, fears and blocking factors that need to be overcome, as well as the variations in libido over time and in response to events (pregnancy, stress, overwork, etc.).

The desire to start a family :

Zero, one, two or three children ? Time to take stock ! It’s also an opportunity to talk aboutraising children (if you want any, of course) and the family values you want to pass on.

Life projects :

Whether professional, family or intimate, your life projects need to be expressed so that we can design your future together ! This theme focuses on daily life, but also on your long-term projects.

8 – Are premarriage courses compulsory ?

Religious ones are usually compulsory. For example, in the Catholic Church, a couple can’t get married in a church without taking a premarriage prep.
Secular premarital counseling courses are in no way compulsory : each couple is free to decide whether or not to take this step.

9 – How long does premarital counseling program take ?

The duration of premarital counseling courses varies according to the type of preparation chosen. In general, however, premarriage counseling courses are spread over several months : usually between 5 and 10 months.

This means we don’t over-condense the discussions, and we can really take our time on each theme that needs to be explored in greater depth. This also helps to avoid overloading an already busy period of life with the organization of the big day.

We therefore recommend that you start looking into the subject ideally 10 months before the date of your ceremony.

10 – How much does premarital counseling program cost ?

Premarriage course always has a cost, which again varies according to the solution chosen.

For religious ones, there is no « list price », but a participation fee is charged (and an amount is often suggested). We recommend you contact your local parish for further information.
Premarital counseling programs vary in price, usually between $200 and $600 per couple. At Unio Preparation, the 7 sessions are available for $199 per couple (with lifetime access). You can also try the first session for just $39 to allow couples to see if the course is right for them at a low price. At first glance, this may seem like a lot, but on the scale of wedding planning it’s not much, and yet so essential.

11 – Bonus : can we prepare on our own ?

Of course ! You can go and read books on the subject of couples, think about the topics you want to discuss together…

It can be tedious : there are thousands of resources on the couple, of varying quality. It’s easy to get lost.
The premarrital courses have done this sorting and synthesizing work to save time for future wedding couples.
You can miss out on really important subjects, simply because you didn’t think to tackle them.
It’s harder to stick to it : as with sport, without a program or coaching, you tend to do the first session and then give up. It’s a real shame.

12 – Playtime : a little exercise to do with your partner to start preparing for your commitment.

Before leaving you, we wanted to suggest a little exercise to start you off in a mode of exchange and reflection around marriage and commitment.

Each of you can think of a couple (real or fictional) that inspires you, and that represents a successful marriage for you.
Think individually about why : what are the ingredients for their union ?
Bring your favorite drinks, turn off the cell phones and have a chat about the subject.

Conclusion

We hope we’ve answered all your questions about the concept of premarriage prep. If you still have questions, please let us know in the comments section 👇🏼 and we’ll be happy to answer them.

See you soon on Unio !